If something happens that is seemingly beyond comprehensive expression, do you let it remain the perfect memory inside your own heart or do you try to put it all into words to share? How exactly do you put perfection into words? How you do put an encounter with pure presence and cosmic love into symbols? Maybe I shouldn’t even try. Maybe I should keep this one for myself & for him.
Last night was truly the best night I have ever had. It was a fairy tale. A vivid dream I have never dreamt of having before. The truest truth I have ever witnessed & expressed.
There are so many dimensions to love, and to be able to experience as many of these facets of love is something I strive for. Last night I experienced so many different dimensions of love with a man who I have loved in the purest sense since the very first day I saw him casually stride into the Beta coffee shop, sans shoes.
Over the past few months I have grown with & without this person. We have shared moments of truth together, we have shared dreams & music & food & yoga & friendship. We have shared more space apart than together. And in that space, we have cultivated this relationship that is beyond explanation. A person who shows up for you is invaluable. And a person who shows up bearing gifts of love & willingness to provide anything necessary to fulfill any of your needs… well, it’s a rare gift. One that I have been subconsciously & consciously asking for for quite some time, one that I have been without for far too long.
Opening up to receive, opening to letting the universe provide for me, opening up to love in any and all forms is something that has not come easily to me until recently. And it’s because I haven’t been open to loving myself. But with intention, I have found this self-love, self-respect, self-acceptance that we all deserve. And the things that have come into my life because of this opening is just beyond.
This is my best attempt to portray this infinite night in one paragraph:
A sunset drive through Yellowstone National Park. A pale blue dress & a suit & tie. An elegant & timeless setting at Lake Hotel. A beautiful soundtrack composed of piano, easy conversation, comfortable silence, a gentle hum of an out of signal radio station. A lavish dinner, a bottle of earthy red wine, warm sticky toffee bread pudding & delight in every bite. Prolonged eye contact. Endless smiles & laughter. A wooden bench on the dock of Yellowstone Lake adding our first kiss to its repertoire of memories. The warmth of his suit jacket & the heady scent of him lingering long after I removed it. Talk of dreams & goals & ambition for our future selves. His genuine affirmation of how beautiful & amazing I am in his eyes. Looking up at the stars & wondering, dreaming, imagining. A shooting star that dropped from the sky & left such a long trail of light that it took my breath away. A quiet & sleepy drive home at midnight, trying not to think but hopelessly overwhelmed by ‘what ifs’ & acceptance that things are exactly how they are meant to be. Holding each other while ignoring yawns & fighting sleep until sunrise because we both weren’t ready for the night to end.
It was by far the most romantic, comfortable, effortless date I have ever had.
To fall in love in one night, and say goodbye immediately after is something I haven’t yet wrapped my head around. That’s where faith comes in. This beautiful warm & fuzzy feeling in my heart radiates total acceptance of whatever happens… because whatever happens will be perfect. Whatever happens will be natural & effortless & will be exactly what I intend it to be.
To love fully & completely in the moment you are given is the way every relationship should be nurtured. There should be no expectations. There should be no hidden agenda, insecurity, or jealousy. To just love, with every ounce of your heart for as long as you are given, that’s the most beautiful & pure & honest love you could ever offer. To just love every aspect of this person in front of you, without judgement or wanting them to be different, that’s the kind of love that will surely save us all. That’s the kind of love that will set us free. That’s the kind of love that is timeless because it’s always & it’s never.
Life is just what it is. The only thing we are meant to do is to experience it & more importantly, enjoy it.
I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you.