I find it quite unsettling to be naked. Completely exposed.
Unable to hide any of my flaws underneath loose clothing.
Unless I am feeling particularly sexy & skinny & confident being naked is terrifying. Especially in front of someone else.
Especially in front of a camera.
Especially in front of myself.
The other morning I spent hours on self-care rituals.
Practiced asana & sitting meditation, oiled my body, took a looong bath.
After which I felt a sense of rebirth.
Like I was coming into my body again for the first time.
But I felt my work wasn’t quite finished. I needed to go deeper.
So I plopped down, yes, naked, in front of a full-length mirror.
Crossed legged. Exposed. Vulnerable.
In my most natural state.
Forcing myself to look.
As I observed my body
scanning up & down
I was horrified to realize just how much I was judging myself.
Negatively judging my
imperfect complexion & red nose,
average-sized breasts with a few dark hairs around my nipples,
soft belly with rolls forming as I relaxed & let go of the constant holding,
shoulders I have always felt were too broad.
And as I judged I could actually see & feel my body becoming less & less radiant.
That’s when I was brave enough to meet my own gaze.
Hello, hazel eyes.
Helloo, soul within.
Hellooo, you divine being, you.
This is what she had to say:
stop being so hard on yourself.
you are NOT fat.
YOU are not your body.
You show others how to love you by the way you love yourself.
You display to others how to treat you by the way you treat yourself.
You teach others how to talk to you by the way you talk to yourself.
While I was hiking the JMT I had a major body image breakthrough.
I finally came to love my body, not because of how it looked in a mirror (I only saw myself in a mirror twice in that whole month) but for all the things it does for me!
My legs carried me over mountains & through rivers & across snowfields!
And they didn’t just carry me, they carried my heavy pack too.
That soft belly digests food & turns it into fuel!
Each cell naturally detoxes & rejuvenates itself!
My lungs breathe & pump fresh oxygen through my blood!
My body lets me see & hear & taste & feel life!
I finally learned how to be grateful for my body
And I just kinda lost that appreciation for a while.
I lost that simple self-love for a moment.
And it feels so good to remember.
What makes you feel sexy?
What helps you feel good in your own skin?
What is one thing you can do today to invite some acceptance & love into your life?
Maybe it’s listening to music or dancing or yoga.
Maybe it’s having sex with someone you love.
Maybe it’s taking a hot bath.
Maybe it’s repeating a positive affirmation.
Maybe it’s eating fresh fruits & veggies & drinking lots of water.
Maybe it’s being in nature.
Whatever it may be
just go do it.
Do it now.
You deserve it!