This post is really quite ironic.
#1 – Because this isn’t actually the BEST thing I have ever eaten…(although definitely top 14). And it’s not really so much about food as it is about my current life situation. I will share an awesome recipe for Ravioli Duxelles though!
And #2 – Because when I initially imagined writing this it was filled with romance & happy-go-lucky anecdotes about my relationship with my fiancè. How we were finally learning how to dance gracefully with & around each other in the kitchen & in life. And now… we are not together.
Having the spaced I begged for from these creations AND my relationship has provided the perspective I needed like I need a hot cup of coffee to get me out of bed most mornings. I needed to be woken up. Slapped in the ego with a caffeinated dose of “THIS IS THE REALITY YOU ARE CREATING FOR YOURSELF.”
With this perspective came clarity. A clear view of how I habitually think & react & fight & love & run & cook. With this clarity comes an understand of all the fears I have & just how much I was letting them control me. I learned what I would do differently given the chance, and what I can actually do now with what I have manifested.
If i could do a few things differently…
(yes, limiting it only to three although I am sure there’s far more than that)…
I would have removed the stems from the beet greens before pureeing them into pesto because it totally made it stringy & I don’t know anyone who likes stringy pesto. Not me.
I would have rolled the ravioli pasta thinner or cooked it a bit longer – it was just a little on the crunchy side.
And I would have realized how unhappy we had both become & instead of ignoring it or running from it, I would have taken intentional action to work through our joint fears & shared insecurities & seen if maybe there was a resolution beside throwing each other out of our lives like vegetable scraps.
But I am a believer in the old adage of all things working out how they are supposed to. That everything has meaning & sometimes the questions linger in our heads for a long time before they are answered, if ever at all. I know I need to let go of the past & accept the lessons learned & the truths this soulmate revealed to me. And maintain enough hope to imagine our relationship in the future as one of compassion & pure love & understanding & acceptance of each other’s flaws… okay, let’s call them quirks. It is a relationship beaming with forgiveness & absolute lack of jealousy or possession or blame. It is a relationship of authentic intention & no expectation.
I came to the conclusion this soulmate was sent to reveal something very specific to me, as they all do. He was to help me listen to & not be afraid of this little voice in my head that has been nagging at me for years…
“Am I attracted to women?”
I am not afraid of that question anymore.
Because only the quality of love we give defines us. Not who we give it to.
So… I think after years of struggle & shame & sexual repression, I am ready to admit the truth to the world AND to myself. I AM attracted to women. And men too. My feelings toward people is much more of a energy attraction thing for me than a gender thing. I am done hiding in fear that this aspect of myself will somehow make me less perfect & less worthy of love. And choose to believe that accepting this will make me more authentic & thus even more worthy of love.
EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE LOVED.
Yes, even YOU.
It doesn’t matter how you look or act or feel. In the eyes of love everyone is divine.
And that is the reality that each of us deserves to live in – DIVINE LOVE.
Because that’s who we are. That is what we are.
Without a doubt I know
the first woman I am going to fall in love with is myself.
And I guess I’ll just go from there. Keep doing what makes me happy & what helps me feel radiant & light & trust that my path will lead me directly to true love.
(because that’s what it’s all about)
(even if the hokey-pokey says otherwise)
For the pesto:
4 beet greens (stems removed & blanched)
1 cup toasted walnuts
EVOO until smooth (maybe a touch of water)
Parsley, Thyme, Oregano
Blend all ingredients together
For the pasta:
1 cup white flour (we use Montana Wheat)
1 cup semolina flour
3 farm fresh eggs
1 TBSP EVOO
Pinch of salt
Incorporate flours and lay on clean surface. Create a well in the center – add eggs & oil. Mix well with hands until everything starts to come together a bit. Then knead until elastic & smooth. Cover & refrigerate for 30 minutes.
For the Filling:
2 TBSP Butter
2 cups minced mushrooms of choice
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 bunch parsley, finely chopped
2 sprigs oregano, finely chopped
3 sprigs thyme, finely chopped
S&P to taste
Melt butter in large saucepan. Add mushrooms & garlic & cook until most of the moisture has reduced. Then stir in herbs & salt & pepper & remove from heat.
Set duxelles aside while you roll out the pasta dough. Heat a pot of salted water to a boil.
Place spoonfuls of mushroom mixture on one sheet of dough. Cover with a second piece & press around the rounds of filling, making sure to release all air from the pockets (or else they will explode). Cut into individual raviolis & place directly into boiling water for a few minutes, or until they have reached the desired doneness.
Serve on a generous smear of pesto with fresh tomatoes & maybe some roasted beets. Add a handful of microgreens mixed with lemon juice and evoo for a finished touch!
P.S. Sorry I still kinda suck at this whole recipe writing thing… I usually just completely make this stuff up as I go.