Have you ever felt betrayed?
By a lover, a friend, a relative, or a leader?
How about by your OWN BODY?
In a newfound attitude of total allowance of myself, some shadow truths have surfaced; one of which being this long-felt sense of betrayal by my body.
Beginning perhaps at puberty when I embarrassingly bled through for the first of infinite times. From unwanted sexual attention & being molested by my grandpa at 13, to severe allergies that have affected me in different ways all my life, to the gradual decay & inevitable pain & inescapable death of my physical being… yep, betrayal.
And how have I dealt with this (or rather, NOT dealt with)?
By punishing my body. By being reckless & neglectful & abusive. By running away. By sometimes being disgusted with the image I see in the mirror. By seeking validation from guys I didn’t even like. By starving, stuffing, binging, purging. By pretending all this shadow & shame & fear & hate do not exist. Even by using my Yoga practice, which is meant to heal, as a way to compare, compete, force, and cause injury to my body.
I’m not saying it is an easy cycle to break.
I just finally feel able to forgive myself for these actions & feelings; I feel able to forgive my body for being imperfect & impermanent.
Maybe you feel betrayed by your body too.
Maybe you are trying to get pregnant and can’t.
Maybe you have had a miscarriage or two.
Maybe you weigh more (or less) than you think you should.
Maybe you have been sexually abused.
Maybe you have an incurable disease.
Maybe you want to be a different gender.
Or maybe you have always loved your body & have no idea what I am talking about (good for you – teach me your ways)!
I am here to simply say… it’s okay.
It’s okay if you have ever harbored negative emotion towards your physical body; because this body is not YOU; and because all of this is the experience you were meant to have. We can never say what is actually good or bad experience for sure, only what is. All of it makes you more relatable, more human, more authentic.
All of it makes you truly YOU.
So please, for all of us, forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself so you can allow yourself.
Forgive yourself so you can love yourself.
Take a moment to appreciate all the wonders your body can experience… a smile, laughter, dance, breath, a hug, beautiful sight, even being able to read these very words that have connected you with another human being – a young woman very much on her journey of self discovery, stumbling along towards the exact same finish line as everyone else on this planet.
We walk this path together in TRUTH.